I feel like a monster.

I know I’m not hurting him on purpose. I know there’s nothing I can do, it’s going to bother him no matter what. But when Sylvain is literally crying like you’re ripping him apart it makes me so sad and I want to stop what I’m doing, but I know he needs it to get better. I thought I’d heard him cry insanely before, but that was nothing like today. Tonight when I was putting his chalky stuff on his spots he was crying so hard he sounded like he was in excruciating pain and terrified. Any time now you go to lay him down to change clothes or diaper he starts to cry and it’s a challenge to make him lay down. It’s like he knows he’s not going to like what’s coming. Once he was undressed and in the bath he was fine. As soon as he was out of the bath and I took him into his room/temporary play room he started crying. Then wailing. It didn’t help that he had a fever again. I felt horrible. Adeline came up to help. It’s got to be even harder to hear your own child cry like that and know that you can’t stop what you’re doing that’s making them cry. I haven’t been this close for this long to chicken pox since Lisa and I had them and that was 20 years ago so I don’t remember a thing. Half the time I’m afraid that when I pick him up all the spots are going to burst!

He slept fitfully last night so Greg and Adeline didn’t get much sleep. He also didn’t nap well today and I ended up taking him for a walk this afternoon while Adeline and Bastien napped to try to get him to sleep more. We were out for about an hour and a half and he slept for maybe 25 minutes. His eyes are red and dark underneath and when you look at him you wish there was something you could do to make him better. When Greg put him to bed he wailed for about 5 minutes or less and then suddenly – nothing. He was out. I hope he sleeps better tonight, for everyone’s sake. Greg has to go to work tomorrow, I’m not sure about Adeline. And the last few days Bastien has been off the wall. Maybe he’s got a bit of cabin fever going on. He’s been outside everyday – either to play in the backyard or go for a little walk – but he hasn’t been anywhere other than the house (not including the walks). He needs other kids to play with. I think he goes back to school Monday and here’s hoping things improve with him when he goes back. Once nice thing is that unless they have another kid they’re never going to have to go through this again and at least I’m here to help. I know you want to get chicken pox when you’re a kid, but I think it’s better when you’re over a year old at least. Or when you can stand on your own. I think that’s part of the problem with Sylvain. He doesn’t want to lie down and if he could stand on his own it would be easier to put the cream on. Oh well, he won’t remember this at all and that will be nice.

We’ll definitely all feel better when we’re all feeling better. It’s hard to imagine that all the spots are just going to go away…it was almost odd seeing Bastien tonight in the bath because he only has a few spots left and he’s not covered in the red stuff he had to put on to dry them out. It seems like Sylvain has spots in all the worst places you could have them. Poor guy. And you can’t explain what’s going on. Oh man. How am I going to handle if I have kids when they get chicken pox? At least I’ll have first hand – recent – experience. There have been times when I wished this wouldn’t have happened when I’m here, but mostly I think what a great learning curve this is. It has to be tough when you’re a mother for the first time and your baby gets sick and you don’t want to over – or under – react, and you’re scared. Hopefully this year will help me be a little more prepared if I ever have kids.

So I don’t feel like a monster right now, but I felt so horrible before. I wanted to cry too. 😦


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  1. I would never nominate myself for Mother of the Year, but it always broke my heart when I had to do something that made my baby boy cry. He hated having his nails trimmed or taking him for innoculations–needles scared him. I would cry, too. We made quite the pair.

    So I feel your pain…

    • Trimming the nails is hard. I’ve never been there when they’ve gotten needles so I don’t know their reactions to those. I think, even though I felt like this, I won’t really know until I have my own kids. All you can do is be the best mother you can be. I’m sure you did wonderfully!

  2. Oh goodness. I sure hope he gets better soon. My kids have never gotten chicken pox. But I never got them until I was 12 or so. My sisters kids all had them, at the same time! 3 kids (twin boys 3 and one girl 2) I swear she is so strong, or she was back then. But anyway, that’s a whole post in itself. -lol-

    • 3 kids at the same time! That does sound hard, but then again, in a way it’s better just to get it done with. And I think between the ages of 1-7 or so is the best time. The older you are the worse it is. And getting the adult version….nasty. Kudos to your sister!

  3. aww i hope he gets well soon!

    • Today was better than yesterday and I think tomorrow will be better than today. Time and medication and he’ll be fine. Thanks. 😀


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