I kind of like blogging like this…

Before I start: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA! All together now ^_^. Lisa, for you sake I hope we had an amazing day in Amsterdam.

I have to say; blogging just for the sake of blogging and not as an account of what I’ve done in the day is very refreshing and quite enjoyable. Not that I don’t enjoy how I’ve done it, it just isn’t always that interesting. If you’ve been following me at all you’ll know that I tend to go off on random tangents that take up so much space (and time for both you and me). I guess it’s a part of me that is trying to break through. It certainly makes the prospect of continuing to blog a bright one.

Blogging has actually helped me discover or admit things about myself that I’ve previously been unaware of or hiding. It’s strange because I’m essentially baring my soul to strangers, which I guess in some ways is easier than to the people you know. Again, even for the people I do know who read this, I don’t always know exactly who reads it so I guess it doesn’t matter what I say. Am I making any sense? Obviously I haven’t revealed everything (apparently this is the post for italics), and I won’t, but I’ve come to a few realizations and some of them have been because of this space here. Isn’t it great that I feel safe enough here to do that?

Maybe it’s the relative anonymity of the whole thing, maybe it’s just that I’m finally at a place in my life where this kind of discovering is not only inevitable, but essential. This kind of stuff has the potential to completely shape my life in so many directions. Well, maybe not, but it has potential.

Sometimes when you open that closet you find things you don’t like. That’s happened to me a lot these past few months. Maybe I’m too hard on myself, but then again, probably not. I know I can’t see all of my shortcomings and the one’s I do see are slow to change. Which makes sense, I’ve fallen short on these things my entire life. I’d had to re-think where I want my life to go, where I see myself in the future, and what I truly want from life. I still have a long way to go, but I’ve made more headway these last 7 months than I have in years past. Of course we all have doubts, that’s easy. It’s getting around those doubts and realizing that you’re never going to be perfect that’s the hard part; but being perfect (despite being impossible) is not what life’s about and those flaws are what make you so special and even though it may not always seem like it, you always have people who love you despite those things you can’t stand about yourself.

My Mom said today that it takes a long time to really mature; that it’s not until you start getting into your 50’s that you can truly lay claim to that. I think that you’re maturing (most people :P) your entire life. And as hard as it can be we all need to take advice from those older than us, because it’s when you have lived and experienced what only time can bring, that’s when you gain wisdom and – I think – so much more understanding. At least that’s what I hope for. Now it’s time to listen to myself and trust that my parents really do know what they’re talking about and I definitely don’t know as much as I think I do and if I let them they will help me in every way they can.

I haven’t even had to leave my silly comfort zone for most of my discoveries. I’m working on breaking out of my shell, but it’s a slow process. A process helped along (even if it doesn’t seem like it to others) by my being here. They say that spending a year abroad is about finding yourself. It seems they are right.

                                                                                                                

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© 2010-2011 hollyjb

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2 Comments

  1. I have a tendency to say random things on my blog as well. To record my day isn’t all that interesting. And I agree, that does make it a little more interesting.

    Reply
    • When you just say what’s on your mind it helps give people a little insight into who you are!

      Reply

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